The Wondrous Phases of the Cycle of Change

A couple of years ago, while interviewing remotely for a dream job in Nashville, I miscommunicated my availability and scheduled a three-hour final-round Zoom interview at 9 PM while visiting Prague. I was so optimistic about the desired outcome, nothing could bring me down. I hurried to the nearest co-working space, one that was conveniently open 24/7, set up my laptop and made it work.

Optimism is a beautiful thing–especially when used to navigate uncharted waters. I could have panicked, tried to reschedule the interview, made up a good excuse. But, my optimism was a problem-solver. It wasn't until two weeks later when I picked up the phone and heard [insert application rejection here] that I acknowledged optimism only goes so far. Realism snuck in to remind me that my upcoming transition back to the States after a year of living abroad wouldn't be easy. There were obstacles to overcome that I hadn't thoroughly entertained.

I made it to Nashville eventually. But, not after experiencing turbulence and self-doubt. During my job search, I read a few business books. One of them was the 12 Week Year by Brian Moran and Michael Lennington. Once I understood their adaptation of Don Kelley and Daryl Conner's model, The Emotional Cycle of Change, I stopped reading. 

It was the ah-ha moment I needed.

The Emotional Cycle of Change is a framework that speaks specifically to voluntary change–change that we seek out for ourselves. It's this kind of change that often begins with incredible optimism. As we start building the narrative of what is to come once change happens, we focus mostly on the upside. It makes sense–the upside is likely why we are making the change in the first place.

But, as anyone who has seen change through would know, optimism is often poked with bits of pessimism and realism along the way, as the act of change requires a fundamental shift in something that was once deeply rooted and familiar. This can be hard. It is so hard that sometimes we turn around and say "maybe later" to our dreams of a changed future and stick with how things have always been. 

The framework has five stages: Uninformed Optimism, Informed Pessimism, The Valley of Despair, Informed Optimism, and Success & Fulfillment. I've found that awareness of where I fall emotionally while navigating voluntary change helps me see that change through completion. 

Let's dive in and explore these stages a bit further.

Uninformed Optimism

Uninformed Optimism is synonymous with The Honeymoon Phase or The Calm Before the Storm. You're full of light and energy and anticipation for what is to come. This could be the stage in which you are most motivated to make change happen in your life, whether it calls for walking into your boss' office and quitting your job, or calling up your partner and sharing why this relationship isn't serving you anymore. Whatever it is, you are the Serena Williams of the narrative. You will win, and it will be awesome. 

The Uninformed Optimism in my story was how excited I was to move back to the States, start a new job, and move to a new city. I wasn't thinking about moving logistics, what might happen if I didn't get the job, or what it would be like to build community from scratch.

Informed Pessimism 

Informed Pessimism is your friend who always plays devil's advocate. You tell them how much you love your floss picks because they've revolutionized the way you take care of your teeth, and they respond with, "that's great, but those individual picks are so bad for the environment.”

They're not wrong, but it's not the response you were looking for. Informed Pessimism is when you begin to hit roadblocks. You may get anxious about the impending change, you might even think, is this worth it?

I hit my first roadblock when I didn't get the job. Hesitantly, I deleted the saved office address in my Google Maps and accepted that I might not lock down a job before moving home. For so many reasons, this would delay the timeline I carefully crafted during the Uninformed Optimism stage. I started to panic.

Valley of Despair, or Hopeful Realism

Moran and Lennington coined the term Valley of Despair, but originally Kelley and Conner called it Hopeful Realism. Whatever you want to call it, the Valley of Despair is rock bottom.

Yes, this is the hardest part. It's also an essential part. This is where that fundamental shift happens. When you get where you want to go, it's not always how you pictured it. There may be fleeting moments of longing for the familiar. When you start your dream job, your colleagues aren't as friendly as you imagined. When you adopt a puppy, it pees all over your favorite rug.

For me, it was when I finally moved to Nashville, but I had no community. No one can curate deep and meaningful relationships overnight, but that knowledge didn't make me feel any less lonely.

Informed Optimism

If the Valley of Despair is suffering through a 90-minute hot yoga class, Informed Optimism is the feeling after you leave– you don't want to go back anytime soon, but you're happy you went. You feel lighter than you've been feeling, and you have the knowledge and resources you need to finish strong. You are informed, and this gives you the confidence to see change through.

After a couple of months in Nashville, I started to meet people. I frequented a storytelling event and became a regular at my favorite coffee shop. Nashville wasn't so foreign anymore, and that familiarity allowed me to recognize progress. I was doing what I came here to do.

Success & Fulfillment 

Hey, you made it. You can celebrate the win and share gratitude with the people who helped you along the way (because there's always someone who helped you get to where you are). 

I've been in Nashville for a year and a half. I've held three different jobs, and I've lived in three different zip codes. With that said, I've settled into a neighborhood I love with a community that I've worked intentionally to build. That feels pretty good.

Alas, don't get too comfortable here. We will probably start the cycle over again pretty soon. That's the beauty of it, and it gives truth to that old saying: the only thing constant is change.