We love to argue.

It can be something simple and timeless, like debating whether The Office is funny or something bold and new, like trying to pitch a 4-day work-week to your boss. 

I've noticed that people with the really good points tend to "lose" the argument (or fail to convince) more often.

Two weeks ago, I attended my brother's 23rd birthday party. It was a traditional gathering in every sense. We shared a meal, had drinks, and unwinded at the dinner table late at night to talk and enjoy our company. And like many other families, the last hour of the night was spent debating politics. 

The question of interest was, "Does my vote matter?"

My significant other, whose career is in politics, was trying to convince a relative of mine that voting did, in fact, matter. As everyone gathered around to offer their supporting or dissenting opinions, the topic of conversation sidetracked from the importance of voting to local office corruption. No one left convinced of anything other than what they already believed to be true.

Driving home, my significant other asked why she, having worked in voter registration before, couldn't convince my relatives that voting mattered. "What could I have done differently?"

I share this moment with y'all because one of the obvious things I learned is that long-held beliefs can't change in a matter of minutes. It takes time to challenge existing understandings, which is why the dinner table conversation was so ineffective. Topics changed so quickly that we were never able to focus on one core subject. We argued all night but made little progress to mutual understanding.

What do we do when we have a point to make? How do we argue smartly?

Below I outline a great way to stay focused and make your point effectively.

4 Steps to Make Your Point

Step 1: Goal

It will help if you have a goal coming into the conversation. The worst thing is going down a rabbit hole of b-line counterpoints, losing the main objective altogether. When we argue, we tend to address newly-introduced facts quickly because it makes us feel like we have a conjecture for every conceivable detail relevant to our initial point. Don't do that. Your main point becomes a dozen unimportant points that will take you further away from the first thing you said. Have a goal going in. Reorient the conversation if you find you're straying away.

Step 2: Credibility

Whatever your stake in the argument is, make sure it's known to everyone else. Whether you're a passionate voter who's seen the impacts of voting or an experienced project manager who doesn't have enough resources to deliver, your stake matters. Let people know why you care and build that bridge of empathy. Give a face to the conversation at hand and remind the other that you're not just a Facebook troll who wants to get under their skin.

Step 3: WIIFM ("What's in it for me?")

It will help if you address why your point is relevant. We're often quick to lose sight of the audience we're trying to reach. Don't argue with the same facts and examples every time. For instance, say you are arguing for later start-time for middle schoolers to school officials. It might be true that starting middle school at 7 AM negatively impacts students' sleep schedules. But I'd bet a more resounding point for a group of school officials would revolve around the fact that later start times translate to better academic performance (better performance means better funding). In other words, know your audience. 

And last but not least,

Step 4: Thesis

You have a goal, you have credibility, and you have your thought-out claim. Put it all together and use it as a framework for your next argument. If you realize that the conversation is moving away from your expectations, it's strayed too far from your thesis, and most likely will not end with your desired outcome.